Dating A Porn Star

Posted on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 5:22 PM

After reading a bulletin posted by a thespian of debauchary, I looked into the question if it's possible to date a porn star.
Here is the bulletin:

Ok so since my start in the adult industry I havent had the opportunity to tell my entire family..Well I have been at my moms house taking care of her for the past 2 days...One of my younger sisters (23) came by to visit...We used to be really close but not anymore. I hardley ever talk to her now a days..Well I made a promise to myself that I would never lie about my job..So she asked me how life was and my job...So I told her about my new adventures in porn..Lets just say she was NOT happy about it..We got into a big fight and she called me a prostitute!! She told me how im stupid and theres no life in porn.. Also that I must have self esteem issues...She just kept going trying to belittle me...I tried to explain how things were and how I enjoy my job...She didnt care..So I think my hardley there relationship with her just fizzled into nothing...Isnt life about being happy and succeeding??? I have both why cant people just be happy!! UGh what a day! So Im making myself feel better and baking brownies with the 4 year old!! HEHE...Hope you all are having a better day then Iam!! XOXO

and here is a follow up bulletin by the same adult film cock gluttonist:

Thank you all for replying..First it is very possible for me to be single...The only kind of relationships I have are the ones at work for 15 minutes!!! LOL.. I guess I miss the male campanionship that Im used to having...Taking care of someone, sleeping next to someone....The little stuff...My job doesnt help I suppose..I need to find someone who is very opened minded....Does anyone have any comments about dating someone in the industry..Do you think you could really handle it? Do you think you could really fall in love with someone that does this kind of work? Thanks! XOXO

So, if you're a "civilian", as the adult film stars like to call us non porn, non emotionally damaged, non childhood traumatized people, here is HOW to date a porn star if you so choose to embark on unnecessary drama and headaches. Here is how to get on the roller coaster of insanity and mental lapse and ignore all good judgement:

After spending the weekend at a bachelor party being asked 'How do I get to date a porn star' and then returning to an inbox filled with variations on the same question I thought I'd better provide an answer.

I speak from experience. I've dated several porn stars- Glamour models, Playmates and Porn Stars. I don't recommend it.

Dating a Playmate's like driving a Ferrari Enzo. You're constantly stared at, as soon as you stop moving you're surrounded by a crowd of onlookers and people keep asking how '…a guy like you got that.'

Glamour model's are a little easier. As they don't have sex for money they're easier to be around and less shocking to introduce to friends and family. Less positively, they often possess bodies capable of making anything they wear slightly pornographic, which gets embarrassing at funerals.

Porn stars are the most difficult. They get approached by men who've seen them having sex and assume that standards of normal courtesy don't apply. They're often crazy. When you introduce a porn star to your father, and he takes you aside and says 'She looks so familiar…', you can essentially say goodbye to your erection for a week as your head fills with pictures of poppa enjoying your lady's work.

All that aside, meeting your victim potential partner is the first step.

If you live in LA, and you go out, you're meeting people from the adult industry all the time, even if you're unaware of it. Give it time and you can approach an adult performer in an entirely natural way in a bar, club or library. It's the best way but also the least certain.

If I wasn't in the industry I'd say the easiest place to meet people, with a view to seeing them on your own time, is at a party. There are lots of BBQ's, pool parties and events which have an almost 100% jizz bizz guestlist. Making friends with someone who works behind the scenes is a good way to get invited, the industry's small and being a friend of a friend can win you a guest pass.

Be careful who you choose to hang with, you could easily buddy up to someone controversial and end up being blackballed from one industry clique or another. (If someone asks you to a party and mentions being blackballed, make sure you're not being hit on by Lexington Steele.)

If making friends seems too hard you may be a sociopath. To meet others like you, and a wide range of adult performers, you can try visiting trade shows - notably InterNext in January and August and Erotica LA in July. This creates about as positive an impression as tackling a woman while she fumbles for her keys in an underground parking lot and dry humping her. Women have their guards up when they're surrounded by tubby Trekkies with hard-ons.

LA natives have a chance to hang with performers each week at 'Porn Star Karaoke' which takes place at 9 p.m. each Tuesday at Sardos, 259 North Pass Avenue in Burbank, just off the 134 freeway. There's always a good selection of people, and it's open to the public. Take a cute and outgoing girl with you. A lot of women in the business are bisexual and they'll notice her before they notice you. It's an easy way to an introduction and will make you look less like a desperate fanboy loser customer.

Finally - if you're rich you can buy an evening with a porn star at Danni. com. Their auction site regularly lists chaperoned 'Dream Dates' with models and performers. Be warned - they're not all single and some of them chew with their mouth open. Dates often go for over $3,000 and some have made over $7,000 - there are some very rich and determined fans out there.

For the purpose of full disclosure I launched Danni. com's auction site, but I don't make a dime from it. It's legitimate and the dates are well organized and fun (I've chaperoned a few myself but don't worry - normally it's a cute woman, not a 200 lb guy).

Most of the time making a good impression on someone who works in the sex industry is about being unlike all the other men they meet. These women are hit on all day, every day. They're very aware of their status as sex objects and are inherently distrustful of men. Don't talk about any prison time or your collection of hunting knives until you've formed some sort of bond.

Once you've met your your target here's what to do when you're talking, charming and dating her:

1. Be cool

Play hard to get, even if it means tea-bagging your junk in an icy drink (not hers) when she leaves to go to the restroom. She wants to date an equal not a fan. Be as nonchalant as you can without being a dick.

Whatever you do don't show her off. She know's she's a prize. Don't use her to impress your crew and don't mention what she does in public unless she does. Introducing her as "Mary, from Massive Objects Mary dotcom," will end your evening fast.

2. Be a gentleman

She works in places where people glance at her drivers license and then ask her to strip off (like the DMV). She will be particularly vulnerable to old-school charm. Flowers, cards and notes go a long way, as long as they're meant sincerely. She will want to know that you like her despite of, not because of, what she does.

If she tells you her real name she trusts you. Don't use it in public unless she does. Performers have to guard their identity's and switch between persona's for good reason. She knows the waiter recognized her when she walked in, and will show up at her house if he can use her real name to find out where she lives. Kill him now, she'll thank you later.

Take your romantic inspiration from Lionel Richie's 'Three Times a Lady', not The Analog Brothers 'Pimp to Eat'.

3. Make her chase you

There's nothing a woman finds more attractive than a guy they can't get. Let her make all the moves. She will, and you'll look cooler than all the guys chasing her.

Whenever I've had performers flirting with me I've been in situations where responding in kind would be seen as unprofessional. It could be my aftershave that makes them want me, I wear Sex Panther which is illegal in nine countries, but it was probably because I was hard to get.

4. Don't become a suitcase pimp

Show no interest in getting into the adult industry yourself or managing her career. A lot of guys see performers as a meal ticket and if you give off that vibe she'll run away. Even offering to help drive her to a photo-shoot, or spend all her money on your car, can set off alarm bells.

To avoid looking like a suitcase pimp avoid sunglasses unless you're outside and it's sunny, wearing untucked, open-necked shirts made of shiny fabric, or being in a band that doesn't sell enough records to keep you fully occupied.

5. Clean your whip

If you don't have nice wheels at least keep them clean. There's a lot of money in porn, you're going to have to park beside a lot of nice steel. In LA people check out your steed if they can't be bothered to talk to you but want to work out what kind of person you are. LA's fucked.

I can't really explain this, but every woman I've ever met in the adult business has liked cars. I used to drive a European classic which attracted women like a free shoes, lose weight, fuck Brad Pitt promotion at the local mall. Respect your ride.

6. Hide your stash (and your cash)

De-porn your apartment. Porn is work for her. If she's into it she'll lead the way and provide it for free. Assume she's not and eliminate the risk of getting it wrong. Once again the less of a fan you appear the better.

She'll see fantasizing over people she knows as akin to cheating. Pointing out that she's had sex with the people on the DVD's she's bitching about, while I'm totally monogamous won't win the argument. Nor will pointing out that claiming to be a Catholic is a bit strong Lena, given how you make your fucking money? Christ you're a hypocrite.

7. Don't assume

Forget what she does when you're talking to her - even if it's playing on a plasma screen just over her right shoulder. If you treat her like a stereotype you'll mark yourself out as an asshole and provide evidence that you're not listening to what she's saying.

Let her talk and then latch onto the things she says. Don't worry if you get it wrong to start with, listening is hard (tip - watch Oprah, they do it on there.) Practice on less attractive women and build up to one your really want to be, you know, on.

8. Be smart

This is psychology. People assume she's stupid because she's sexual. She hates that, and goes out of her way to appear smart. Therefore if you appear smart, you become the kind of man she thinks she should be with, even if you're not ideal in other regards. Even if she's not smart, she'll be flattered that someone who appears to be is interested in what she's thinking.

Take a breath. You might be feeling dizzy. That's okay - I am blowing your mind.

9. Be mainstream

Porn stars often take the 'No one outside the industry understands this' view and resolve to date only performers after a string of failed relationships. With these people you've got no chance. Luckily the majority of people don't feel this way and want to date people who are as mainstream as possible.

The most attractive partners for women in the industry are men who are more famous than they are, and guys with good, respectable jobs. Cops, doctors, teachers and other totally average occupations have a bizarre reverse glamour for people inside the jizz-bizz.

Whatever you say, don't say you're unemployed. It says suitcase pimp faster than a furry hat and a bass guitar riff.

10. Don't look

One of my best friends tells his partner "I promised to be faithful, not blind" whenever she catches him looking. She laughs. It won't work with a performer.

Women who are (brutally) judged on their looks, are very wary of men who might only want to be with them because of how they look. If you stare at every teenage Lycra-clad-Happy-Meal that walks by, you'll give off a vibe that you're looking for the next hot thing. She wants to know you're into her and her alone. Especially when she stops starving herself and living in the gym.

Here's a tip for creating that effect. Stare at her forehead and try to count the follicles on her hairline. The slowly scanning gaze this creates will look almost identical to falling in love from her perspective.

11. Be boring

If you've followed all the advice to this point you'll be going to bed with her soon. Keep it simple.

Once again, she's going to want to know you're in bed with her - not the fantasy she projects at work. Be loving, and keep it tame - lots of kissing. Leave the gas-mask and 'Mini Replica Vibrating Pope' in the closet for now.

The wild stuff might never happen. Some performers like to keep what they do in their private life and at work as different as possible. Be very careful about spicing it up, she'll lead the way when she's ready. If she comes home to find that you've got a Darth Vader mask on and have lubricated the faucets you will scare her off.

Go get em tiger.

So, now you know how to date a porn star.
Does that mean it's a good idea? Lets find out:

Single guys won't admit this, especially to women, but at one time or another they have wondered what it would be like to date an adult-film star.

We don't mean to be perverted (regardless of how it sounds).

Men only discuss this among themselves, usually over large quantities of beer and chicken wings (or here in Miami, Bacardi and ceviche).

Can a normal, regular guy date a porn queen?

I decided to take one for the team and get to the bottom of this question. The Exxxotica convention was recently held in Miami Beach, and what better venue to find out what the starlets think? (Insert your own joke here.)

So I asked the opinions of three well known stars. And the resounding answer was yes, a regular guy "does" have a chance.

"Absolutely," said Jennifer Drake, a diva from Wicked Pictures. "It's probably a lot easier than guys would think because aside from the fact that we have sex on camera, we're pretty normal. We have our hobbies, like yoga, swimming and reading."

Whoa! Why didn't I think of it that way?

Jennifer said dating someone outside of the industry is referred as dating a "civilian.
" (Does President Bush know the adult-entertainment industry is taking lingo notes from the military? Don't ask, don't tell!)

"I met a guy at Target once," Jennifer continued. "And I like people who share similar interests. The last time I got out of a relationship it was with a civilian. Essentially it was a problem with him dealing with what I do."

Ah, yes, there is that. Having sex. On film. As a career.

The starlets all said "that" is the single toughest part of dating a "civilian." (remember, civilian means NORMAL)

"A lot of us girls date regular guys but it's hard because you want to meet someone who understands your business and isn't jealous," said Tera Patrick, one of a handful of adult stars who has crossed over into mainstream culture.

While their films tend to attract "civilians," after a few months the novelty wears off.

"Jealousy can rear its ugly head," Jennifer said. "But like any other relationship, you need a lot of communication."

The more I spoke to these women, the more I heard words like communication, common interests, confidence and being yourself - staples of any relationship.

Carmen Luvana said she doesn't believe in mixing "business with pleasure." (But what if your business is pleasure? OK, never mind.) She met her "civilian" boyfriend of two years through a mutual friend.

"The big misconception by guys is they think because we have sex for a living they think that will happen all the time," Carmen said. "Just be yourself and don't talk about how many movies you have watched. Be normal and treat her like a normal person .... We want a guy that wants you for you and not because you are an adult star and he wants to let everyone know."

OK, so don't date the woman on the video jacket. Go after what's on the inside (of her - not the DVD!). Seems like common sense. But where would a guy meet a starlet? Not at an adult convention.

"That gets really old, really fast," Tera said. "At conventions they ask if you are single, if they can have your number, and say they want to marry you. It's OK to meet a fan or date a fan, but not a fanatic."

Aside from Target, other ways women say they've met men included at a tanning salon, at a spa or through friends.

"A lot of girls are looking for that guy who can take them away from everything," Tera said. "In the end, when the curls come out and the eyelashes come off, you want someone who will love you for you."

Go figure, huh?

follow ups to this article suggest that sleeping with a porn star is a much better alternative to dating a porn star.
The physical reward without the mental consequences:

Here's The Link

Let us save you some trouble.
THE CONCLUSION:

Could you seriously date a porn star past or present? And by "date" I mean "be seen in public with a well known debauchery thespian, on a regular basis". I've been known to be understanding in regard to questionable pasts, but I'm not so certain this is one "speedbump" I'd be willing or able to get past. I know we all have skeletons in our closets, but not everyone's skeletons have numerous video documentations of you at some point playing an enchanting solo on their skin flute. You see, when it comes to intimacy, I like many of you secretly want to feel that all the nasty and potentially incriminating things I am doing recurrently are making their exclusive debut with me.

Obviously that could NEVER be the case with a porn star. There is absolutely NOTHING they haven't seen and/or tried "ummm… was that a pineapple you just spat out of your poon?" Dating porn stars will have you at Wal-Mart at 3:24a buying artificial pinecones, a book of paper dolls, a Michael McDonald Greatest Hits album, and a brisket, and only heaven knows what she's gonna do with all that.

Needless to say, you could NEVER introduce her to your friends or family. What if they are fans of her work? "Hey Josh, have I introduced you to my new girl, Jez…" "Naah, man you haven't, but we've met" "What do you mean you've met?" "she's been solely responsible for millions upon millions of my snotty swimmers meeting their imminent deaths in their yellow Wendy's napkin graves since the 8th grade."

Then, what happens when you two are on a date and you run into one of her "co-stars" whom you only happen to know by his porn name? This is amplified when you've actually seen the "project they worked together on." "Oh my goodness…. is that… yeah that's him… HEEEYYYYY, Dickalicious Jenkins, what are you doing here? Have you met my boyfriend Jeremy?" he inevitably and cordially extends his hand, "Hey man, nice to meet you" I'd have to be rude, "uhh…. naah player.. you can put your hand down. I happen to know what you do with that hand, and I ain't had my shots yet. Nigga wouldn't want to break out with a nearly fatal case of the heeby-jeeby's now would he? Oh yeah by the way, I loved you in "The Great Masterbaters" with Denzel Cockington. and "Happy Skeet" is probably your best work to date….. I wasn't sure if you could pull off that role as a sex crazed penguin, but you did it!"

So take my word for it fellas, I don't care if she is finer than frog hair split four ways, leave the porn stars for other porn stars. What can you honestly bring to the table? She's used to penises so big they have an elbow. Gentlemen, remember, these girls swallow male ejaculate for a living and have the mental capacity of a 5 year old retard on Meth. You know where your girlfriends mouth has been? I'll tell you where, on some dudes wart infested, herpes covered penis. Mmmmmmmmmm. Bet you're pretty proud to introduce her to all your friends and family, aren't cha? Where's the fun in banging a girl who's paid to fuck douche bags on film? Where is the challenge in that? In sum and substance, dating a porn star is basically an extended, glorified booty call. It's an emotionless pit. Pornstars are incapable of loving you back due to having their childhood raped from them and have become void of emotions. Being a porn star is social suicide and dating one is emotional suicide. Save yourself the embarrassment, and just renew membership to your favorite porn sites.

So, is it possible to date a porn star? Yes.
Do you want to?

FUCK NO!